I was finally able to schedule my surgery and will be going under the knife on Tuesday the 31st. I am excited (is it weird to be excited about surgery?) but I also have a heavy heart. I know three months doesn’t seem like a long time in the whole grand scheme of things, but to me it feels like an eternity. I watch all of my pregnant friend’s bellies grow and think of the miracle they are currently experiencing and the joy their little ones will soon bring to their life, and I can’t help but be a bit envious. It is a big pill to swallow knowing that we won’t even be able to see if the surgery is a success for 2 months and even then, I will probably still need to undergo a bunch of procedures to get this baby here. As much as I want to believe this surgery is the answer, I truly believe it is just a small step in our infertility journey and I still have a long way to go. I know in my heart of hearts that we will have a baby Ricci, but the emotions that have come with having to stop trying to fulfill our deepest desires has been heart wrenching. Today it hurts, today I am sad, today I don’t have much hope and it’s been especially difficult having Mike be gone all week and having no one to share my burden with. This will soon pass as it always does but today I am going to allow myself to feel the pain. I think after two years, I deserve it.
1 comment:
I had the same feelings last week i broke down i had such a hard couple of days. I know i am a stranger but I feel that we have so much in common. I sometimes think no one is there i can talk to cause no one else is going through this.
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