Ever-Changing...

If there is one thing I have learned about infertility it is that it's an ever-changing journey. There are days when I am an emotional mess and don’t want to do anything but eat cookie dough and lay on the couch reveling in the drama of stupid shows. There are days when I don’t even think about it and I am happy Mike and I have the freedom to lie around all day, go to dinner at will and do whatever we feel like doing that day. There are days when I want to punch every pregnant woman I see or scream at all the people I find out are pregnant (no offense to all my cute pregnant friends, it’s just the anger talking) and then there are days when I am just at peace with what is going on and I know stubborn baby Ricci will get here when they are ready. It is a never-ending roller coaster and there are a vast amount of emotions that go along with this entire process. It’s strange to feel happy, sad, angry, hurt, hopeless and jealous all at the same time, but I have learned that all of the emotions I feel are completely valid and I am ok expressing them.

I tend to write on my blog when I am down and when I have emotions I don’t know how to express except by writing them, but that is not my entire journey. I have more good days then bad and I try to get as much out of life without kids as possible. This journey is a part of me, but it is not all of me. I am so many other things including a wife, a daughter, a friend, a co-worker, an EX wife, a sister, a HOA president, an intake specialist, an in-law, a volunteer, a fundraiser, a blogger, a griever, a traveler, a listener, an advice giver and most importantly, a lover. While it may seem that my life revolves around my 32 day cycle, my days are so much fuller than that. I really hope I have never come across as the bitter girl who can’t get pregnant or the downer because of my current situation, because I have really tried to stay positive during this. Sure there are days when those hormonal emotions get a hold of me and it’s hard to see clearly, but for the most part I have accepted this journey and am doing all I can to prevail under difficult circumstances. One day I will understand why I have had to endure this hardship and will be thankful Mike and I went through it together because it has taught us some incredibly important lessons such as humility and patience. I also know in my heart of hearts that Baby Ricci will get here someday and they will be incredibly loved thanks to their stubbornness. We just have to wait until they are ready to come but I sure wish they were ready now!

Hope ya’ll have a great Monday! (saying ya’ll makes me excited to celebrate Easter in New Orleans with two of my best friends and mah Be!)