The other day as I was picking up my newly purchased Bobby from Babysteals, I realized that in my heart of hearts, I still have hope. After months of stockpiling Uddercovers, baby slings, baby blankets, hospital gowns and everything in between, last week it hit me… I still believe. I still believe I will one day see those two pink lines, that I will someday get to experience the amazement of pregnancy, the excruciating pain of labor followed by the magic of delivery and that I will have a newborn I can breastfeed. Even if my mind is starting to lose hope, my heart still believes. It still believes that Mike and I will have three beautiful children of our own; children that will have his eyes, my smile, Mike’s wit and my organizational skills. It still believes we will get to watch our children grow up and that baby Ricci will soon be on their way. I know these are dreams and desires and not necessarily what God actually has planned but the belief that we will have a child someday gets me through the day. It’s difficult to accept that my infertility is out of my hands but at least I haven’t lost my hope and today that is all that matters.
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