Anyone who knows me knows that my love of children was engrained in me from birth. Since I can remember, any time there were family parties or a chance to babysit, I would be there in a heartbeat. I became known as “the baby stealer” at Seegmiller reunions and Thanksgivings because if there was a baby to hold, I was probably the one holding it, or attempting to. Since I didn’t have my own nieces and nephews, I quickly adopted Jonas, Cairo and Mesa as my own (thanks Sariah!) and grew a great relationship with my younger cousin Taylor. When Mike came into my life, he quickly realized my love for children and knew if babies or kids were around, he probably wasn’t going to get my full attention.
Although I couldn’t wait to have a child of my own, Mike and I decided it was best if we waited a few years to start our own family. We wanted to get to know each other and enjoy our “us” time and be able to travel the world. Mike also wanted to apply to Harvard so we wanted to make sure we could leave if he got in. When we got the news that he had not been accepted, our life path changed, we bought a house and decided to start our family. I removed my IUD in May, 2009 and my dream of becoming a mom suddenly seemed so close.
About 6 months into “trying”, I knew something was off and began doing some research. I started tracking my cycle, doing ovulation test strips and reading a lot. After doing test strips for 2 months straight, I began to think they didn’t work. On the last day of my 20 day pack, the ovulation test strip FINALLY changed, and that is how I realized I ovulated WAY later than a normal person does. Still, I didn’t get too worried and began timing our “trying” at different times. When 6 months passed and still no pregnancy to announce, I decided to go to a fertility specialist. He did some blood tests and came to the conclusion that I don’t ovulate regularly and my chances of getting pregnant naturally were about 5%, rather than the typical 35-40%. My Dr. suggested starting me on Clomid, but I wasn’t ready to admit that I couldn’t do this myself. It made me feel like less of a woman; like I was failing.
That Dr’s appointment was in April, 2010. It has taken me 8 months of reading, charting, taking my temperature, acupuncture, watching my cervical fluid and doing everything else I can possibly think of or that has been suggested to me for me to swallow my pride and take the plunge into the infertility unknown. I am finally ready to DO something and I am going full steam ahead.
UNFORTUNATELY, my body had a DIFFERENT plan. In taking my temperature I learned I have not ovulated since August and I began playing the waiting game. I waited for my temperature to spike meaning I had ovulated, I waited for my cycle to begin so I could start the Clomid, and when none of that happened, I had a small ounce of hope that morning sickness or sore breasts would come. After another long four months I finally called my Dr. and was placed on a ten day progesterone pill to “jump start” my cycle. After 10 days of progesterone pills and another 10 days of waiting I was still in the same place I had been for 4 months. I made an appointment with my Dr. and went in yesterday. He ran another blood panel to make sure I wasn’t pregnant (which I knew I wasn’t) and when that came back negative, I was given a shot of progesterone (something I was NOT adequately prepared for considering it was not just a normal shot in the arm).
So, now after a long 19 months of waiting, I wait again and pray that my body will decide to cooperate. I have never wished for a period so much in all my life. It really is a cruel thing that after being so prideful and adamant that I was not going to begin Clomid, the second I make the choice to begin it, my body chooses something else. It’s difficult to keep my head high when I keep getting faced with more frustrations and circumstances out of my control, but I have to keep the faith that this all is happening for some reason and a baby will join our family sooner or later. At least that’s what I continue to tell myself so I can sleep at night.
So, here is to the waiting game again and just another chapter in our crazy journey. I really hope the wait goes quickly and this new treatment works so I can begin the next step. Patience truly is the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn…
Although I couldn’t wait to have a child of my own, Mike and I decided it was best if we waited a few years to start our own family. We wanted to get to know each other and enjoy our “us” time and be able to travel the world. Mike also wanted to apply to Harvard so we wanted to make sure we could leave if he got in. When we got the news that he had not been accepted, our life path changed, we bought a house and decided to start our family. I removed my IUD in May, 2009 and my dream of becoming a mom suddenly seemed so close.
About 6 months into “trying”, I knew something was off and began doing some research. I started tracking my cycle, doing ovulation test strips and reading a lot. After doing test strips for 2 months straight, I began to think they didn’t work. On the last day of my 20 day pack, the ovulation test strip FINALLY changed, and that is how I realized I ovulated WAY later than a normal person does. Still, I didn’t get too worried and began timing our “trying” at different times. When 6 months passed and still no pregnancy to announce, I decided to go to a fertility specialist. He did some blood tests and came to the conclusion that I don’t ovulate regularly and my chances of getting pregnant naturally were about 5%, rather than the typical 35-40%. My Dr. suggested starting me on Clomid, but I wasn’t ready to admit that I couldn’t do this myself. It made me feel like less of a woman; like I was failing.
That Dr’s appointment was in April, 2010. It has taken me 8 months of reading, charting, taking my temperature, acupuncture, watching my cervical fluid and doing everything else I can possibly think of or that has been suggested to me for me to swallow my pride and take the plunge into the infertility unknown. I am finally ready to DO something and I am going full steam ahead.
UNFORTUNATELY, my body had a DIFFERENT plan. In taking my temperature I learned I have not ovulated since August and I began playing the waiting game. I waited for my temperature to spike meaning I had ovulated, I waited for my cycle to begin so I could start the Clomid, and when none of that happened, I had a small ounce of hope that morning sickness or sore breasts would come. After another long four months I finally called my Dr. and was placed on a ten day progesterone pill to “jump start” my cycle. After 10 days of progesterone pills and another 10 days of waiting I was still in the same place I had been for 4 months. I made an appointment with my Dr. and went in yesterday. He ran another blood panel to make sure I wasn’t pregnant (which I knew I wasn’t) and when that came back negative, I was given a shot of progesterone (something I was NOT adequately prepared for considering it was not just a normal shot in the arm).
So, now after a long 19 months of waiting, I wait again and pray that my body will decide to cooperate. I have never wished for a period so much in all my life. It really is a cruel thing that after being so prideful and adamant that I was not going to begin Clomid, the second I make the choice to begin it, my body chooses something else. It’s difficult to keep my head high when I keep getting faced with more frustrations and circumstances out of my control, but I have to keep the faith that this all is happening for some reason and a baby will join our family sooner or later. At least that’s what I continue to tell myself so I can sleep at night.
So, here is to the waiting game again and just another chapter in our crazy journey. I really hope the wait goes quickly and this new treatment works so I can begin the next step. Patience truly is the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn…
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