Infertility is not for the faint of heart.

My good friend Jill and I were talking this afternoon about what my treatment schedule this week is. It made me start thinking about how much we as women will do to have a child and the pain, frustration and time it takes if your body doesn’t work properly. This is kind of a “time line” of what I have had to and what I may have to do to become a mom.

First off, in order to be considered “infertile” you have to have tried for at least 12 months if you are under the age of 35. This means 12 heartbreaks, 12 really unwanted periods and 12 hopes shattered before you can even begin doing something about it. The only thing you can really do is go to the internet for advice, where you become inundated with information about TTC, Basal Body Temperature, cervical fluid, cervix size and position, ovulation, charting, as well as a million abbreviations you are not familiar with. Trust me, it’s quite overwhelming.

In my case, I was referred a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility late in my infertility game. This book finally clarified what all the talk about temperature, cervical fluid and everything in between is. It made me feel empowered to have the knowledge so I started charting. The charting is annoying though because you have to take your temperature at the same time every morning. So on the weekends you have to get up early and before you can even get up to pee, you have to put a thermometer in your mouth and wait for the beep. Then, you have to remember what your temp is so you can add it to your chart and then figure out what your “coverline” and peak days are. Not to mention you have to track your cervical fluid 4 times a day, which is really not the most pleasant of all things.

When you are finally deemed “infertile” you then have to undergo a lot of blood work, pelvic exams, shots, tests and a lot of trial and error. If they suspect your fallopian tubes are blocked, you may have to undergo a test called a hysterosalpingogram where they inject radiographic contrast (dye) into your uterine cavity. This allows Dr.s to see if there is a blockage in your fallopian tubes and determine the next step in treatment. Luckily I have yet to go through this test but a good friend of mine who is also dealing with infertility did, and she said it was incredibly painful and did nothing to help in her struggle.

After you are poked and prodded, you are then given the pleasure of medication, most likely Clomid or Femara. With Clomid, you take it on the 5th day of your first normal day of your cycle or the second day of spotting. You then have to remember to start your pill on the 5th day of your cycle, all while charting and tracking your CF. On day 10 you then have to start “trying” every other day for 10 days. This turns your lovemaking into babymaking, which is not nearly as romantic. Finally on day 21 you get to have your blood drawn on so you can have your progesterone levels tested to see if the Clomid even worked. If your progesterone level is not elevated it means you did not ovulate and you are in for an increased dose of Clomid. If your progesterone is elevated than it means you ovulated, but doesn’t necessarily mean you conceived. Instead you are in for another 8-14 day wait to see if your period starts. If it does start, you get to begin the entire process over again. If it doesn’t and your pregnancy test is negative, you get to take a 10 day progesterone pill to “jumpstart” your cycle and wait 2 weeks to see if that works. If a period still has yet to start, you get to have a progesterone shot, which is quite painful and uncomfortable, and wait again to start the whole process over. Not to mention during all of this you get to experience the lovely side effects of Clomid.

Now after 6 months and increased dosages of Clomid, if you still have not conceived it’s time to move on to the next step... Artificial Insemination. This is even MORE romantic than Clomid sex. AI is a procedure in which sperm is inserted directly into a woman’s cervix, fallopian tubes or uterus to make the distance the sperm have to swim shorter. Although I haven’t undergone this treatment, I can imagine how awkward and potentially painful it is. Not to mention it’s something that is very time sensitive so for busy people like us, it's difficult to time.

If AI doesn't work you are then in for IVF. In Vitro Fertilization or IVF is the crème de la crème in fertility treatments. The first step of this process is to inject yourself with hormones daily in order to produce multiple eggs each month instead of just one. You then get tested to determine whether your eggs are ready for retrieval. Now time is of the essence in IVF and you have to undergo ultrasounds and blood tests to make sure the eggs are ready because if they are taken out too early or too late, they will not develop properly. If they are ready you then have to go through egg retrieval surgery which requres you to go under anesthesia. During the procedure the Dr. locates follicles and removes the eggs with a hollow needle. Your eggs are then mixed with your partners sperm and monitored for fertilization. Once the embryos are ready, you get to go BACK in and have a catheter inserted into your uterus so the embryos can be deposited. After the procedure you have to stay in bed for 4-6 hours and may have a lot of pain associated with it. You then get to wait another 2-3 weeks to see if IVF took.

All of these treatment options can take years to complete and can cost quite a lot of money. The average cost for one round of IVF is $13,000 and the success rate is only 25%. This doesn’t include all of the dr. visits, medications, time and energy you have sunk into trying to have a baby. Couples can go into debt $100,000+ and still be left without a child, which is so infuriating. If all of these avenues are tried and they don’t result in pregnancy, chances are you can not become pregnant and you will need to begin looking into surrogacy or adoption. Both of these are also expensive options and the wait can be quite long.

So, in conclusion, infertility is not for the faint of heart. It’s devastating, expensive, painful, time consuming, annoying and every other emotion in between and people who don't deal with it don't understand how difficult the journey is. As painful and frustrating it is, I keep telling myself it will all be worth it though when I do become pregnant and feel my baby kick, or when I get to rock my own child to sleep. The things us women go through to become moms and the love we feel for something that is not even on it’s way yet is incredible. Love and the longing to become a mother is one amazing thing and I would go through every single one of these treatments 10 times if it resulted in the fulfilling of my one and only dream. It's just quite a lot to go through with no guarantee. I am trying to keep faith though...