A Change of Heart...

When I wrote my previous post, I was dealing with some emotions and hurt from some negative things I had heard about me being too open. These remarks were coming from various people whom I have a personal relationship with and I closed down. I didn’t want to be mocked or talked about behind my back so I decided it would be best if I just bit my tongue and started dealing with this on my own. After an empowering and helpful RESOLVE group last night, I realized I am the type of person who needs to share the vast emotions that come along with this incredibly difficult journey and that it is not healthy for me to keep it all in. Since my last post, I have had multiple emails from people who follow my blog and whom I have helped and I decided it is not fair to me or to any of you readers to close up due to a couple of negative comments. I am a strong woman with thick skin and I shouldn’t allow a few negative thoughts/people break my confidence and challenge my self worth. I am not angry at anyone and actually believe hearing negative things and shutting down has been positive because it allowed me to do some soul searching and realize I need to share my journey in order to get through it. It also reminded me who my true friends really are and how blessed I am to have them in my life. They are the people who get me through the heartbreaks, who hold my hand when I am down and who remind me that my feelings are warranted and that I don’t have to go through this alone.

So, I am back and I am back with good news! This month we increased my clomid dose to 100mg since I didn’t ovulate last month and while I was unfortunately hit with the “clomid crazies” pretty severely this month and poor Mike wanted to divorce me when I broke down into tears or flew into a rage on more than one occasion, it worked! I went in Monday for a day 13 ultrasound and they found a good sized follicle and said I was ready to trigger it with a HCG shot. I went home and gave myself my first shot, which was a small victory in itself, and today Mike and I went in for our second round of artificial insemination. I took an ovulation test strip before going today and it was positive so I am very optimistic that this is the month of Baby Ricci now that my septum is gone and that I actually ovulated. I won’t find out for two more weeks but I will be crossing every finger and toe I have until then and am happy I have a much needed trip to Lake Powell with good friends during the dreaded waiting period.

Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to write me very thoughtful and heartfelt comments and emails. You make me a stronger more optimistic person and remind me that no matter how we deal with the emotions that come along with infertility, we have to deal with them in the way that is best for us. The best way for me is by writing and I look forward to continuing to share my journey with anyone who wants to read it. Happy Wednesday everyone!