Happy Mother's Day!

I received this text from one of my dear friends yesterday and it was just what I needed to hear.

"I don't know many people who could already love so blindly, and I truly admire the love you have for Baby ricci. You are and will be an amazing mother, so today I wish you a Happy Mother's Day, for a baby that may not yet be in your arms, but is already in your heart."

I am lucky to have some amazing friends and a wonderful family to be there with me throughout this difficult journey and while mother's day is not the easiest day of the year for me, it's still a day about celebrating the incredible mamas, mama's to be and all of us someday mamas who are lucky enough to have great examples to follow and emulate. I hope whether you are a mother or want to become one that you were able to have a fabulous day and that next year you will be celebrating with your little miracle.

Another baby purchase!

I really do love babysteals.com! Normally $50.00, purchased for $25.00!

I am kind of in love. Baby Ricci needs to get here soon so we can use all of this adorable stuff!!!

Silver Lining!

There are some good things about not being able to have a baby the moment you hope to, and one of those good things is SHOPPING!!! I have worked at Sharing Place as a second job for a year and a half and instead of spending the money I earn there, Mike and I decided to put it into a baby savings fund. We have a good little nest egg built up for baby Ricci and I can’t wait to spend it on them. Over the past two years I have also signed up for various baby websites including http://www.babysteals.com/, http://www.swaddledesigns.com/, http://www.petuniapicklebottom.com/, http://www.laylagrace.com/, http://www.babiesrus.com/, http://www.softminkyblankets.com/, http://www.projectnursery.com/, http://www.uddercovers.com/, http://www.sevenslings.com/ and http://www.jjcole.com/ both via email and facebook. I love getting ideas from these websites and I LOVE how modern baby gear is becoming and how companies are embracing the use of damask in their designs. (I am a huge damask fan!)

Another thing I am loving in the cyber world is giveaways, as well as the tried and true coupon codes and my FAVE website http://www.babysteals.com/. Thanks to all the above websites, as well as some shopping help from Miss Brittney, I have been able to take advantage of some great deals and am slowly assembling a collection of baby gear. Yes I have gone crazy (I mean buying things for a baby not even in the oven yet may be borderline certifiable) but I do have rules! I only buy things I am going to need for myself, items that are practical or baby items that are gender neutral. Here are some pics of my favorite things I have purchased.

This is my ABSOLUTE fave thing I have purchased. It's a Petunia Picklebottom Shoulder Bag that I bought off http://www.babysteals.com/ It is normally $180.00, I bought it for $80.00. It's very well designed, I love the fabric and it has plenty of room. If these come up again, I highly suggest buying one.Baby Chai Hooded Towell. This is adorable and I love the little owls. There is a super cute elephant one I gave Brittney too. Normally $60.00, found on http://www.babysteals.com/ for $28.00. Can't wait to use it!

Udder Cover- My cute friend Rachel sent me a coupon code for a free uddercover from http://www.uddercovers.com/, I just had to pay shipping. I bought this one and yesterday I bought another because they are currently doing another sale. If you visit http://www.uddercovers.com/ and use promo code "mother", you can get this for $9.95. STEAL! Isn't this fabric ADORABLE! When you buy the udder cover, it gives you a coupon for a free sling as well. I got the following two for free and just had to pay shipping of $11.95. Love this fabric too! These models are a bit cheesy though :)

My dear friend Brittney was kind enough to hit up the JJ Cole Sale for me. She picked up these awesome diaper caddies (one for me, one my parents and Mike's parents ), as well as the Urban Bundle Me in black and an original Bundle Me (not pictured), the Green and Brown Muslin Blankets as well as some bibs and an outdoor blanket. Grand total= $120.00 for everything! You have to love good deals.

Well now that you know my secret of crazy baby shopping, any deals or good websites you wish to pass on would be greatly appreciated. Happy shopping everyone!

To Tell or Not to Tell?

Mike and I have had the conversation of how long we would wait to tell people we are pregnant 1.000 times over the years and think we have finally come up with an answer. When we first began trying we always said we wouldn’t tell anyone except for our parents and extremely close friends until I was in my second trimester for various reasons. Well, since the years have dragged on and I have become so open about my journey, I have debated if this is still the right thing to do. I am very lucky that so many people keep us and baby Ricci in their thoughts and prayers and I don’t feel it is right to keep such exciting news from people who really care about our journey. I know many people don’t like to tell people before 12 weeks due to the high likelihood of miscarriage but knowing myself, if I were to have a miscarriage, I would want to talk about it. I have always been an open book whether it is regarding my family, my dad’s death, my relationship or infertility and I know a miscarriage wouldn’t be an exception. I would rather go through something that difficult with the support of amazing people than alone, even if it’s painful. So, Mike and I have decided that we will tell our families, dear friends, and anyone who has taken interest in our infertility journey soon after we find out we are expecting. I won’t announce it to the Facebook world until I feel ready but I will post it on this blog after being able to tell our family and friends in person. While this may make for the longest pregnancy in the world, I want to be able to share in this excitement with people who really care. Plus, you KNOW I wouldn’t be able to keep that news to myself!

Officially Inseminated...

Last week I began the process of Intrauterine Insemination or IUI coupled with my follicular study. I went in on Thursday for an ultrasound in order to measure the size of my eggs and they were a healthy 17 mm, just where they needed to be on day 9. My nurse Cindy was really happy with my progress and scheduled me another ultrasound for Tuesday (day 14) to make sure my eggs were still growing properly and were about 20 mm. I went in yesterday and I had two that were measuring 26 mm, which Cindy was really pleased with. She administered my HCG shot, which helps to release the eggs, and told me to come back in the morning with a sample from Mike in order to do the IUI.

Mike and I went in this morning and I was officially inseminated. The process is similar to an annual exam, but definitely more painful because they need to position the speculum just right in order to insert the catheter into me and inject me full of Mike’s “baby batter” as he lovingly calls it. I then had to lay there for 15 minutes and was told by Dr. Terry to think good baby thoughts. I normally don’t make Mike come to these things with me because he has such a busy schedule but I thought it may be weird if today we conceived a child and he wasn’t even there, and it was nice to have his support. Dr. Terry and Cindy made us feel really comfortable and they both are really hoping this will be the month, as are we and lots of other great friends and family. My fingers, toes and everything else are crossed and I can’t wait until May 11th when we get to know the results. Thanks for all the well-wishes, good vibes, thoughts, prayers, wishes and everything else you have all been sending us. Really hoping this will be our month and we will have good news to share sooner than later!

2 Years and Counting...

Time for a new approach!

As I wrote in my previous post, I will be visiting the Utah Center for Reproductive Medicine next week, but since my cycle started, Mike and I have decided not to waste this one. Dr. Terry has been very informative and he and his nurse are great and can do everything in office with the exception of in-vitro, so we have decided to undergo a follicle study coupled with IUI this month in his office. What this means is that on Thursday I will go in for an ultrasound where they will measure my follicles and then I will go in almost every day for another ultrasound until they reach the desired range of 19-20 mm. Once that occurs they will give me a shot of HCG to release my egg and the next day Mike and I will go in for artificial insemination. I haven’t heard a lot of great things about IUI but since the U can’t see me until I am past my ovulation date, I decided to give it a try. I would rather do something more than just another round of clomid. I am really excited to be moving forward in our fertility journey and I am crossing my fingers, toes and everyone else’s that this will work and baby Ricci will FINALLY be on their way. Either way I am keeping my options open, am still undergoing acupuncture and look forward to the advice the U gives to us and I hope to have a better feel for what the next year will bring. Who thought so many people would be involved in getting baby Ricci here though?!? Definitely not me but I will take all the help I can get. :)

Ever-Changing...

If there is one thing I have learned about infertility it is that it's an ever-changing journey. There are days when I am an emotional mess and don’t want to do anything but eat cookie dough and lay on the couch reveling in the drama of stupid shows. There are days when I don’t even think about it and I am happy Mike and I have the freedom to lie around all day, go to dinner at will and do whatever we feel like doing that day. There are days when I want to punch every pregnant woman I see or scream at all the people I find out are pregnant (no offense to all my cute pregnant friends, it’s just the anger talking) and then there are days when I am just at peace with what is going on and I know stubborn baby Ricci will get here when they are ready. It is a never-ending roller coaster and there are a vast amount of emotions that go along with this entire process. It’s strange to feel happy, sad, angry, hurt, hopeless and jealous all at the same time, but I have learned that all of the emotions I feel are completely valid and I am ok expressing them.

I tend to write on my blog when I am down and when I have emotions I don’t know how to express except by writing them, but that is not my entire journey. I have more good days then bad and I try to get as much out of life without kids as possible. This journey is a part of me, but it is not all of me. I am so many other things including a wife, a daughter, a friend, a co-worker, an EX wife, a sister, a HOA president, an intake specialist, an in-law, a volunteer, a fundraiser, a blogger, a griever, a traveler, a listener, an advice giver and most importantly, a lover. While it may seem that my life revolves around my 32 day cycle, my days are so much fuller than that. I really hope I have never come across as the bitter girl who can’t get pregnant or the downer because of my current situation, because I have really tried to stay positive during this. Sure there are days when those hormonal emotions get a hold of me and it’s hard to see clearly, but for the most part I have accepted this journey and am doing all I can to prevail under difficult circumstances. One day I will understand why I have had to endure this hardship and will be thankful Mike and I went through it together because it has taught us some incredibly important lessons such as humility and patience. I also know in my heart of hearts that Baby Ricci will get here someday and they will be incredibly loved thanks to their stubbornness. We just have to wait until they are ready to come but I sure wish they were ready now!

Hope ya’ll have a great Monday! (saying ya’ll makes me excited to celebrate Easter in New Orleans with two of my best friends and mah Be!)